Debunking The Notion That Life Takes A Halt After Marriage

Life does not have to fit into the space between birth and marriage. You can still accomplish all your goals in marriage and motherhood..
June 9, 2021

I thought that I had to fit everything I wanted do for myself in life into the space that came before I was married with children. I thought I had to publish my book by 25, establish my career as a comedian in my early 20s and if I didn’t make it then, then I would never make it. I had this preconceived notion that you got married and that was it. That was your life. You were a wife now. Bam! Wifed up, knocked up. 

It felt like that the first year. I felt like I was a wife and that was it. I lost my identity as a comedian. I struggled with my identity as a writer. I lost connection with the majority of my friends. I was 26 years old, married to a man that I knew in my whole life, but barely knew at all. Struggling because I had felt like I had just found a piece of myself and now had lost myself all over again.

This preconceived notion, the one that no one really declared, but I made the assumption existed, is BS. “Life” does not end when you get married and “life” definitely does not end when you have children. If anything, creating life within me, allowed me to feel confident enough to create my own life. Yes, my husband and I are creating a life together. With our family, our children, and our home. But I’m creating MY life too. That life that I’ve always dreamed of. The one where I end up on SNL or with my own Netflix special. The life where I write books for a living and make people laugh. Is it the exact trajectory that I imagined? Absolutely not. Not once did I think I would become an influencer on social media. Not until it actually started happening. But is it happening? Yes! After marriage and after kids I am in the best shape of my life doing what I love and I’m thriving. Do you want to know why? Because I allowed myself to. No one else had to allow me to do this. I did not have to get permission from my husband to post on the Internet and be funny and be myself. I absolutely love his support, but this is my dream and I will reach it no matter who’s behind me. 

In my late 20s, I thought I would never return to comedy. That I would never be on stage again doing stand up. That I would never have a chance at auditioning for SNL. That maybe someday, when the kids are older, I would write a book. Maybe then, when my responsibility of being a mother isn’t so demanding, I could live the life I want.

Well damn. I am so happy I did not wait the 18 to 20 years to start my life. I’m so happy that my children get to watch me create something meaningful every single day . I’m thrilled that my husband finds joy in my content and my writing. I’m blessed that I have a family including my parents and my in-laws who applaud for me reaching my own dreams and putting myself first even after marriage and with children. 

If there’s something, anything, itching inside of you, any fire in your belly…what’s stopping you? Is it the preconceived notion that you’re a wife now or a mother now and therefore you cannot put yourself first? Or is it fear? Fear that you’ll be judged for putting yourself and your dreams at the forefront. 

The way I see it, it’s your turn now. It’s YOUR turn! So whatever that itch is inside of you, go scratch it. Because life is freaking short and you’re lucky to still be living it.